Greetings! The Greeting Card Podcast

John Green’s ”Don’t Blame the Stars” (Ft. Kate Fallon)

You're Late! Grab yourself a Masters Degree Pepper, a PostDoc Sprite, and/or a VoTech Surge, because these slumber party mirror demons aren't going to summon themselves!
Join Bobby, Dan, and special guest friend-ghost/ghost-friend Kate Fallon as they rattle the rafters with such topics as summoning demons at sleepovers, cats that are cuter than Hapsburgs, and a lot more talk about "One Hour Photo" than you thought you were gonna get on your commute today! Later, these ghouls rate and review one card that's as pure as Saint Tony's smooches, and another that was clearly written by Bus Todd (ugh, Bus Todd).
Be sure to follow friend of the pod and amazing actor Kate Fallon at @kate.m.fallon_6 on instagram, unless you want 7 years of being a bad podcast subscriber! Spooky!

The Face was Really the Butt of the Era

Cancel that reservation to Catphish Dandy’s Hot Soup Parlor, because you have podcast episodes to listen to, no matter how late they are! No, you can't do both at once, Mom!
Join Bobby, Dan, and chemistry teacher Mr Skalisky (the one who drinks his skittles) as they pass the ever-loving time away, on greeting card speakeasies, save the date etiquette, and coming up with a new, better name for X (Sad Angry Shout Friend? Bird Chirpin')! Later, the lads rate and review a libel-heavy card that gives further credence to our anti-Stratfordian policies! A perfect episode to watch pandas mate too (although if you're listening in the U.S., you'll have to do it on a webcam now. Weirdo.)

We Did Unspeakable Things,And Then We Bought a Zoo!

We gotta fill Bobby up with these blood packets before the Boyz Night starts, but I suppose we could fit in an Olde Fashioned Style greeting card judgement before the lukewarm pizza gets here!
Join Bobby, Dan, and the Dijon Birthday Boy himself Jibblo as they make a mockery of their 50 hours of Greeting Card/Candy blabbering, novels that make you sad, and the Buffet-Springsteen crossover we will never see. Later, the lads rate and review an abyss of a card that may make you impressed and frightened in quite the balanced cocktail! 
#fritochoice #fleshyplastictime

The Second Time Someone Has Brought Up ”Warrior Cats” This Week

Put down the Tony Hawk's Velvet Underground and join us as we revel in the fact that September is Nothing!®
Join Bobby, Dan, and Admiral Target as yammer the cool days away on subjects like English orphan pickpockets, holidays that start too early, and ice cream that comes out of cars. Later, these Fall-forward fools rate and review a duo of cards that either should've been postcards, or remind you to kindly not invite your Siberian friends to stuff!
Subscribe! Review! Do something! Now!

No Yeah? No, Yeah!

Look, if you ingrates aren't going to listen to your BobbyFather, the least you can do is subscribe and leave a review on this episode that he spent all week making over a hot, microwaved microphone! 
Join Bobby, Dan, and late night pancake friend Michael LaRamba as they avoid dead air with Sweeney Todd's bathing schedule, Catfish: The Musical, and bachelor party wetness (yeah sorry about that one). Later, the lads rate and review a card that is angry levels of cute, and once and for all chastises you for not seeing just how amazing you are!
in the words of Peter De Coursey, "God Bless and Cheer the F*ck Up."

We All Lost our Brother Who Died by a Toon

This week's card is almost as sweet as getting divorced at the Cell Phone Museum!
Join Bobby, Dan, and kiln-obsessed art teacher Ms. Gravesite as they take a verbal walkabout with Negroni wizardry, American-sized beverages, and staying true to their promise that all they really want to talk about is candy! Later, they rate and review a card that is only tolerable when chased with a litany of kiln puns, as you'll hear soon enough!
Pick up the newest album by Billy Shams and the Grondells, "Buttin' it 'til Dawn", available wherever fake inside jokes are sold!

Bob Voyage! Pt.3: Three Cheers for Zagat Daddy

Hey folks, it's been a bit, and we know you're excited, but the good and virtuous people over at Greetings do NOT encourage you to do a shot every time we say the word "daddy", unless you enjoy being passed out at the 20 minute mark and missing your tennis recital!
Join Bobby, Dan, and confused ghost writer Biff Hagrave as they take out the old scrapbook and swap fond stories of hot root beer, wet humor vs. dry humor, and a very timely and not at all dated discussion on X. Later on, the lads take one final sail 'round the horn, needing to see land as much as they need a tall glass of holy water!
Be sure to stream the latest seasons of Tom Clancy's (w/ Biff Hagrave) "The Carly Simon Loss" and "The Ultimate Back", available now on Apple-!

Oliver Stone’s ”MMA Grandmother”

A Blue Raspberry Breakup
A Pink Lemonade Lament
A Strawberry "Sorry About This"
Whatever your flavor choice may be, we hope that your tribulations are nothing but tasty (and we guess other things)!
Joinh Bobby Taupin, Elton Dan, and Dan Failinggym as the pick at the proverbial bones of gentleman's toast, edible greeting cards, and hiring audience scabs who are also pro-union! Later, This singer-songwriter duo rate and review a card that was hilarious to think of as a way of describing how smart someone is! Now get in the glue trunk!

Bob Voyage!, Pt.2: West Point’s “Doubt”

Let down the sails and memorize the ancient scripture, because our second Installment of Bob Voyage! is sure to be a GrandMitzvah!
Join Bobby, Dan, and West Point Dramatist Art Kards as they sail over the bounding main with such topics as The U.N.'s gift shop, Italy's new Greeting Card Association, and the fact that Dan can't remember where the Hell Bobby was for about 2 weeks! Later, these jet-setters rate and  review 2 (two!) cards from overseas that don't really clarify child labor or gaseous galaxy formation, but at least they're on paper now, and in our book, that's progress.
Also, we press on the "Train band, funny" button WAY too hard this ep.! Hope that's something you like! This is not a Drive By!

GreetsGiving 4: Sheepshank? That’s Dank!

We're baking like a toasted cheese, and there's no better way to beat the heat than with some anthological card-hashing!
Join Bobby, Dan, and onion figurine enthusiast Old Man Brimshine as they make verbal mincemeat on topics like the Bugs Bunny cryptid, recycled Ouija Boards, and how each host would take down a bunch of teens at a lake. Later,  the lads look over lovingly at the past 12 cards, with the kind of starry eyes reserved only for Miss Canada 1985.
 
Don't forget your Bega Bucks!